hey jealousy.

My cat is a weirdo. She thinks she is a dog. It’s quite entertaining. I hate writing my blog in a word document first because word automatically capitalizes things and forces my spelling to be correct. For some reason when I capitalize things, it makes me feel snotty. I don’t like word documents. Geh. I hate all these red and green squiggly lines below my words.

This winter break is not going to be anything like I thought.

It’s funny how friends can drift apart….. the friend you thought you would always be friends with you forever, the one you thought you would grow old with and your children would be like siblings…. Yeah, I’ve learned those friendships don’t always last. The next thing you know, you’re running down the side of the street and you smile and wave as she passes by in her truck….. you know she saw you because you made eye contact and she half raises her hand to wave back, but then at the last minute she jerks her hand back down and turns her head away from you. Maybe it’s just guilt from all those constant stabs in the back.

But then there are the friendships that seem to last forever… even though you don’t see them for 10 or so years. The friendships that after multiple moves to different states you still are up to date on their current address, send letters every once and a while and have never forgotten a birthday card. These are the friendships I want more of, especially knowing that most of the guys I have befriended this year be gone for two years very soon.

I’m sorry if I’ve acted annoyed at any of you this week. I feel like I have lost my sense of humor and playfulness lately. Maybe it’s from finals and spending so much time sitting on the third floor of the library. Or maybe from the pressure of getting a job over break, losing 15 pounds, and getting back into shape.

I am really angry right now. I’m really angry at someone I don’t want to be angry with. He has been my best friend since 1st grade and I thought I could trust him. I should have known. He is probably the most dramatic person I know and loves to cause drama where he can, especially if it doesn’t involve him, and especially if it makes him look like the “good friend.” I love this boy with all my heart, he is leaving in one month and I don’t want him to leave with tension between us. So instead of confronting him, I ignored it and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I’m sorry, I just needed to get that out.

i love you all.