Friday, December 26, 2008

end of 2008

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? worked for the forest service, used a chainsaw, loved my job

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions? probably not

4. Did anyone close to you die? my aunt carolyn

5. What countries did you visit? none.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?travel more, have more money, have more good quality friends.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?the day we won WAC
cause that was awesome.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? winning the western athletic conference, and personally being 9th in the conference

9. What was your biggest failure? not living in the moment

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? stress fracture and pes bursitis

11. What was the best thing you bought? good boots

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my team's

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? narrow minded people. and people who became jerks during election time.

14. Where did most of your money go? clothes and food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? kyle, running, my job, cafe rio

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008? shut up and let me go, the new drew danburry album, and the twilight soundtrack (yes, i did just write that)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:i. happier or sadder?hmmmm... i was extremely happy this time last year. like giddy. but i wouldn't say i am sadder, just more mellow?

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? enjoying the moment, and not caring what other people thought/said

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? focusing on myself

20. Who had the biggest influence on your life in 2008? Kyle Scott Trammell

21. What was your favorite TV program? the office, greys anatomy, america's next top model, gossip girl, jimmy kimmell live

22. Do you know anyone now that you didn't this time last year? why yes i do. amazing people i worked with this summer.

23. What was the best book you read? i still haven't finished it... but Survivor

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? black ghosts, johnny flynn

25. What did you want and get?wac championship, a healthy season, a wonderful job

26. What did you want and not get? feeling comfortable in my own skin

27. What was your favorite film of this year? oh man...i honestly cannont answer this. the list would be too long.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 20, i went ice skating withthe fam, and i went to sages with my family and kyle, then kyle took me to the SLUG magazine christmas party then i went home for cake and ice cream.

29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? being able to save my money.

30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006? a classy hippie

31. What kept you sane? running

32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

33. What political issue stirred you the most?who was best fit to run the country

34. Who did you miss?my old coaches, some old friends.

35. Who was the best new person you met? all the people i worked with. we had some goodtimes

36. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: still trying to learn this: i can't control other people's actions

37. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
my dewy-eyed disney bride, what has tried
swapping your blood with formaldehyde?
monsters?whiskey-plied voices cried fratricide!
jesus don't you know that you could've died
(you should've died)
with the monsters that talk, monsters that walk the earth
and she's got red lipstick and a bright pair of shoes
and she's got knee high socks, what to cover a bruise
she's got an old death kit she's been meaning to use
she's got blood in her eyes, in her eyes for you
she's got blood in her eyes for you
certain fads, stripes and plaids, singles ads
they run you hot and cold like a rheostat, i mean a thermostat
so you bite on a towel
hope it won't hurt too badmy dewy-eyed disney bride, what has tried
swapping your blood with formaldehyde?
what monsters that talk, monsters that walk the earth
and she says i like long walks and sci-fi movies
if you're six foot tall and east coast bred
some lonely night we can get togetherand i'm gonna tie your wrists with leather
and drill a tiny hole into your head

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

diving too deep for coins

i've never been the type of person that is good at holding in emotions (anyone who knows me knows this quite well). i seem to get emotional at the most inopportune times.
it is finals week.
i am already an emotional wreck as it is the week of finals. but things just keep on piling up on my plate and i don't know how much more i can take before it all comes tumbling down.
i am known for my nervous breakdowns, but i feel like this year i have learned to keep them to just a few. there is a big one brewing right now, and i just hope i can make it to thursday at 12:00 before it explodes. i haven't talked about all the things piling up to anyone. saying them out loud always seems to make them so much more real.
i just need to make it to thursday. then i can have my nervous breakdown.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

my only sunshine

he keeps on disappearing and i can't quite keep a hold of him. it seems like a bright sunny day that lasted for hours but flew by so swiftly, taunting me with the thought that maybe winter will never come. but he always does. he always creeps upon us when we least expect him. i didn't expect him to come this time. i always think that maybe i can change him. maybe i can keep the sun out and the clouds away longer? i never can. i keep trying to figure out how, but i never can. maybe the clouds were never really gone. maybe this was just an optical illusion.

i am never ready for winter. the bitterness leaves me feeling cold and lonely. i keep reaching out for the warmth of summer to wrap his arms around me. but i don't know if he ever will again.

please come back to me.

Monday, December 1, 2008

just had to get this off my chest

i have probably spoken less than two words to you in my entire life. yet you have told many people you do not like me and you "have your reasons."
you claim to be this saintly person and try to love everyone, yet you have gone out of your way many times to say or write things that have cut very deeply into me.
it just makes me sad. really sad. i can't believe there was a time that i looked up to you, and thought you were a genuine, sweet person that wasn't judgemental and cruel.
i don't ever remember going out of my way to do something cruel to you. if i did i would love to know what i did so that i could make it right. i have never felt so uncomfortable in the presence of someone, and have never felt so disliked by someone.
but i hope that putting me down has made you feel better. i know deep down it hasn't.