it's so many miles and so long since i've met you

sometimes i wish i was still little 5-year-old kim still. i didn't have much to worry about other than whether or not buttercup was going to join her friends in ponyland. didn't have to make big decisions. didn't have to think farther ahead than my next playdate. i am at the point in my life now where i am supposed to be making some pretty big life changing decisions. the key word here is "supposed," but every time i think about making one i just get so sick to my stomach and prolong it as much as possible. this isn't helping me at all.

"YOU have to be the one to make the decision. i can't do it for you." sometimes i feel like i talk about all the decisions i need to be making so much. i just talk them over with anyone who will listen in hopes that maybe i can get their opinion and the decision can be theirs and not mine. i think this is why my dad doesn't call as much. maybe it is his way of trying to get me to be decisive.

i think this is where prayer should come in.

it is like when i am out to dinner with a group of friends or the team and i have to ask every single person at the table what they are ordering before i can decide what to get for myself.

i just wish i was more capable of thinking for myself. i guess if i was the type of person that had those amazing moments where they "just knew" things then maybe i would be sure of my decisions as well. but i'm not. i have never had that "ah-ha!" moment. i always have to just make a decision based on my gut feeling (whether or not i am comfortable with it) then i have to just warm up and get used to the idea. this process has never led me astray yet. maybe it is just a test of faith. maybe i am supposed to faithfully follow my gut decision and just trust that it will all work out?

i am bitter about growing up at the moment.

hello kitty world

this is probably the greatest thing i have seen in a while, a Hello Kitty Hospital!
I know one day i will have some little kiddies of my own, but that day is very far off. however, when that day comes i can't imagine a better place to be than in the comfort and cuteness of my favorite asian creation. now, some people say this is a little excessive. i say there can never be enough hello kitty in the world!

I am planning on getting my concealed weapons permit this winter break the picture below is the gun i have had my eye on the last couple of years. some say that the hello kitty picture and the pinkness makes it less intimidating. this may be true, but it's fashionable and i'm asian. so it works.

i found this gun online. i think it is more hello-kitty-like, but not as intimidating as the first.

reasons to smile

three helpful cops that broke into my car so i didn't have to pay $60 for a locksmith

lady at the inn on the waterfront of lake michigan that gave us bottles of water when we stopped 45 minutes out on a run

sweater weather

practice going how it should

job at my favorite clothing store for winter break because my brother became friends with the manager at his bible study group

skinny dipping in lake michigan at 11pm

being in lake michigan listening to the song lake michigan

boy who wears scarves that cooks me dinner and lets me be myself

having a passion again for running

chicago pizza. twice.

heath is coming to visit this weekend

i love life