climate change

the closest thing i can think of to describe the feeling is it was like being an atheist at church. everyone was in agreement with what they were saying, no one questioned the information that was being told to us. i began to question myself and my own beliefs.
i'm glad i went. it was such a good learning opportuinty. it has left me feeling unsure of myself. i don't think this is necesarily a bad thing, i just need to rethink my ideas about this world we live on.
i wanted to argue with them. i wanted to question them, but i don't have enough guts to stand up in a room full of people that believe the same thing and question their information.
but in my head i question it.

sometimes in this world you have to question everything that people say. there is so much conflicting information out there and it is hard to decide what is real and what is made up so that someone can gain money and power. that's an awfully pessamistic way to look at life, but it seem a necessary thing to do now.

lemon tree, very pretty, and the lemon flower is sweet, but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat.

all i want is for people to like me. even if i hate someone, i still seek their approval. this is something that bothers me greatly about myself. i was very surprised at how easy it is for people to see this about me. "you just want the approval of everyone, and you depend on their approval for happiness." that was said to me by papa G (coach gensel). Am i that obvious? don't answer that.

i wish i could just walk into a room and be so confident that i could walk up to anyone and strike up a convorsation. but i'm not. that boy has commented on my hair, mittens, scarf and hat. what more is there for him to say to me. after a while he is going to run out of convorsation starters. but i just have to be a convorsation killer and respond with one word answers: "yes," "no," "thanks," then turn the other way.

my dad says i must look approachable because people keep on striking up random convorsations with me, but i wish i knew a way to not be so anti-social. geh.

i feel stupid when i answer questions wrong in class, and my professor is friends with my coach, and also he is my advisor. my face turned red.

i love surprises. but it makes it awfully hard for me to ever get mad at him. not that i could. but still. i was missing the first book in the twilight series, and lo and behold i discovered today that someone put a copy on my shelf next to new moon and eclipse. seriously. who does that?

"i'm a bitch, i'm a tease, i'm a goddess on my knees, when you hurt when you suffer i'm your angel undercover"

a promise.

I, Kimberly Tu Quinn, swear to do everything in my power to be the number one distance runner on the Utah State University track/cross country team by this time next year. I will take my injuries seriously and make sure they are fully healed before i push it too hard. I will only eat ice cream once a week. I swear to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night. I swear to give 110% in every workout. I swear to take all preventative injury measures known to man. I will never slack off. I swear to be an uplifting teammate and support them as much as I can. I swear to put running before anything else in my life, except family. By doing these things, I know that i can reach my highest potential as a runner and a person.

~Kimberly Tu Quinn January 28th two thousand and eight.

or what it was...

I finally invested in a suitable winter coat. basically nothing goes through it. No wind, nor water, nothing penetrates the surface... it's quite lovely. I find myself walking a lot more, now that i can withstand the frigid weather. while walking to class today i discovered an ice skating rink in the tower's parking lot. i am very tempted to take my skates over there and do a few spins.

there is nothing like the feeling of having someone there to take care of you when you are sick. someone to put their arm around you and tuck you into a mound of blankets. having someone tell you that you are the most beautiful girl in the world even though you have a 105 degree fever. some one that buys me lillies and leaves them outside my door.

for spring break i am planning on going to zion national park to do some service. we will be there a week and the plan is to pull up the talmisk (invasive plant that uses a gallon of water a day and makes it so animals cannot get access to the river), then plant native plants in the area. the remainder of the time we will be hiking. i am so excited for this opportunity to meet new people and to do service in a place that i love! i just hope everything works out then i will be so happy!

this semester has been amazing so far. i know, i know it's not very far into the semester, but i just feel so happy and content about life. i am loving my classes: math, biology, biology lab, living with wildlife and english! i am actually able to concentrate and i find myself getting a lot done and actually learning the material. i have the best crackerbear on earth that treats me like a princess. :)

that is all that is going on in my life as of right now.

you are my sunshine

i was hurt. i really was. i read what he wrote about me and it hurt. i think that was the intention. well it worked. but it's okay because i am over it. i have realized i should just surround myself with positive things and positive relationships. The ones that lift me up instead of making me feel down. There are so many people in my life that i know truly care about me... why have i spent so much time focusing on the ones that don't. i'm through with that. and that makes me smile.

so today was one of the best days i have had in a long time. here's why:
-two old ladies in the library commented on how much they love my boots
-girl in the bathroom said she loved my hat
-boy in math class said he liked my scarf
-we have a ron paul club on campus and i joined
-political discussion for two hours
-as well as a two hour religious discussion
-sunshine
-my new asian friend fellow libertarian and ron paul lover, Denny! (also i found out we have biology together)
-did not fall asleep in biology
-secret notes hidden throughout my room (found the ones in my tissue box, running shoe, english binder, and moose cup)
-i'm getting tanner

yes today was a good day. i actually accomplished a lot and learned so much. the political discussion was the best. the libertarian representative kicked ass at answering the questions. but i was annoyed with the republican representative because he did not act like a republican at all. i was rather upset at the lack of people that showed up. there were maybe 20 of us. it is absolutely ridiculous. i can't believe how ignorant people are, how they are just perfectly content with idiots running the country. geh. it's frustrating how ignorant people are.

i am happy. sunshinekylewarmthmittens.

my dear friend.

my best guyfriend is leaving on his mission next week. i am terrible with goodbyes so this is going to be hard for me. i have known him since kindergarten, so it will be very hard to not have him be a part of my life for two years. it's true what people say.... when someone leaves on a mission it is almost like they die. but when they come back everyone has already gotten so used to having them gone that they don't really have a place in anyone's lives anymore. this scares me, cause i always want him to be a part of my life. i will miss him so much.

i had a crush on him, he had a crush on me. we were in fifth grade and he sat right next to me. in seventh grade he let me share his locker with him. he always bought me the best presents for birthdays or christmas, he had the best taste out of all of my friends, including the girls. when our friend circle spilt apart he was still there for me. he let me cheat off of him in ap chemistry, he would tell me that i'm good at it even though everyone knows i was the dumbest in the class. that's what i loved about him, he would lie to me to make me feel better. it worked. we were lab partners and he did all the work. he would buy me lunch all the time even though i had a boyfriend. we got in a lot of fights. we would yell at eachother, but we always knew we would be friends no matter what. him and tyler were the only boys my parents liked all through middle school and high school. we made a pact that if we are not married by the time we are 30, we will marry eachother. i'm all right with that. i will miss him so much, my best friend, my brother, my shopping buddy. geh. i hate saying goodbye.

geh.

i am not okay. i thought i was. i kept telling myself i was, but often, things will build up and come flooding out all at once. it did today.

i love running with all my heart, running is who i am. i don't ever want to know what life would be like without running. this is why i am so, so, so frustrated right now. my heart wants to just run forever, but my body can't take it.

i am sad/frustrated/annoyed/emberassed.

and i miss my best friend.