holla.

i have this overwhelming urge to be sarcastic and make fun of everyone.

therefore, i am going to stop with this post before i get myself into trouble.

memories fade, like looking through a fogged mirror

remember the night we drove with all the windows down, barefoot, radio blasting, singing at the top of our lungs. we had no destination in mind. to us we were already there. we all knew it but tried to not think about how we would never be that way again. you were always my best guyfriends but when you return it won't be the same.

like the time we didn't listen to the severe thunderstorm warning on every television and radio stations. we drove to the lake anyways, passing blown down trees the entire way. that didn't stop us. we ran around the lake screaming at the top of our lungs, the wind blowing the crashing waves up against our feet and our hair in our eyes. we collapsed in a fit of laughter on the dock for reasons i don't think we will ever really know.

it was a little like our last kiss. tears streaming down my face i knew that was it. i don't know if you did. i never thought my lips could find a place more comfortable. looking back now, i don't know how i ever felt like that is where they belonged.

a bit like the times we would skip school to go to the park by your house and fly your kite for hours. or take naps in your basement during 8th period so that we were assured the 9 hours of sleep necessary for growing teenagers.

kind of like the feeling of walking into a crowded place. searching for a familiar smiling face. i don't see them as often anymore.

sometimes i try to think of when it all happened, when did we all grow up and grow apart? we tried to fight it for as long as we could, some lasted longer than others, but in the end i guess the time will come when our priorities become far more important than holding onto the relationships that shaped us into the people we have grown into today.

happy daddy's day!

since today is fathers day i feel it is only appropriate to do a post about my amazing father.
my dad is such an amazing guy. he is truly one of my best friends. our relationship cannot be explained so that another person might be able to understand it. we don't even understand it. he is the person that i am at conflict with the most and also the person that i love the most. see it doesn't really make sense does it? though sometimes i swear he just tries to make my life harder, he knows me better than i even know myself. he was the mother figure in my life growing up and taught me the basics of how to read, how to tie my shoes and how to ride a bike. the most important thing i think he ever taught me was to not give up on anything that i do and that to be the best at something means working harder than everyone else. those principles have changed my life and have shaped me into the girl i am today. he would never really help me out all that much growing up and as strange as it sounds, i am so thankful for that. i remember we would go dirt biking and would get to a really big, scary hill and i would just sit at the bottom on my motorcycle and bawl my eyes out cause i was so scared to go up it, i just wanted him to do it for me. but he never would. he would just sit there at the top of the hill encouraging me as i got up the courage to try it. and if i crashed he would help me bring the bike to the bottom of the hill again so i could try to make it to the top yet again. even now.... this is just a small example but i was changing the oil the other day in my car and i couldn't get the nut loosened to get the oil out. i was having such a hard time and was so frustrated cause i felt like i wasn't strong enough to get it loosened myself, i kept telling him i couldn't do it and i needed him to do it, but he kept insisting that i keep trying. well, it took me longer than it should have, but finally i got it off.
i wish i had spent less time worrying about my dad embarrassing me and more time goofing off with my dad. he has taught me so much about love and relationships. he taught me that it is okay to cry when you are sad and express your emotions when you have them. not many people know this, but i am so horrible at matching clothes so i take my dad shopping with me and he helps me pick out my clothes!
my dad really is my best friend and i wish i could say we got a long 100% of the time, but we don't. that doesn't mean i love him any less and i know he would say the same about me. he has always been there for me when i needed him, even when we haven't been on the best terms, i know i can count on him if i really need him.
i love my daddy.

and miraculously swine flew!

well hello there. you are probably going to get sick of the amount of posts i will be doing the next few days. you see, i have not much else to do while i lay in bed quarantined for a while. why am i quarantined you may ask? well, i have swine flu. yes that is correct. SWINE FLU! you probably think i am joking, but i most certainly am not. heck, i sometimes think i am joking when i say it out loud. it does sound completely absurd. maybe this is what i get for laughing about it so much. i keep telling people that swine flu really isn't as bad as the media is making it out to be, and that they are making such a big deal about it to draw attention away from the stupid crap that president obama is doing to this country! and i am going to stick by that theory. because after having contracted H1N1 Influenza (more commonly known as swine flu) i am here to tell you that i am not going to die. you would think with the hype that the media has put into it that anyone who contracts it will face serious symptoms. not true. i know it is different for everyone and that some people get more sick than others, but it honestly doesn't feel any different than your average fever/chest pain/ headache. it only lasts a week (which isn't TOO bad, kinda annoyed that it is cutting into my summer play, but whatevs). but it's funny cause i am under the impression that people think i should be hospitalized right now. just goes to show how reliable the media is. psh. *coughliberalmediacough*

i was your silver lining but now i'm gold

i am moving into a quaint little house in downtown provo with my friend bird on tuesday. i am so excited to finally get settled into the summer routines. everyone keeps warning me not to let provo eat me alive. it won't. i don't think i'm the kind of person that would let it. i will be in a cute white abode with a great roomie in a neighborhood that is close enough to velour that i can walk to see drew danbury play. how can it get any better than that? oh, i know. add some green otterpops, jones soda, cafe rio and bike rides and we have the recipe for a perfect summer.

it is just astounding to me to look back on all the blessings that have happened in my life in the last few months. the great friends by my side, a family that is starting to come closer together piece by piece, a great job, legs that work. don't get me wrong, i have my down times, but they are just have just been getting few and far between lately. and normally when those occur i can trace them back to a stupid decision i have made.

summer seems to be the season for marriage. so many people that are close to me are tying the knot this summer and it's so neat to see the excitement in their faces as the days draw near. it makes me excited to feel that way too someday. someday.

the summer of two thousand and nine will be the summer of:
rodeos,
learning to love cooking again,
saving money for the future,
biking adventures,
using my $200 long board i bought two years ago,
learning Vietnamese perhaps?,
raspberries and cream snowcones,
rekindling friendships,
seeing logan-boy-who-makes-me-smile,
chaco tan lines,
stomping around in my cowboy boots,
bringing my family closer together,
running because i love it,
green, then pink, then red, then purple, then orange otterpops (in that order),
floating down the provo,
hiking timp mountain,
optimism,
pushing myself to be better,
listening to obscure music,
going to shows that make me smile for a week,
walking barefoot.



i love life. and i love that i don't have to be in a super excited mood to love it. i have begun to be content with finding joy in the little amazing things about life. i love it. and i am so excited for the things that are going to happen this summer. i feel like it's going to be the best yet.

once i wanted to be the greatest, no wind nor waterfall could stall me, and then came the rush of the flood, the stars at night turned deep to dust.

one of my biggest fears is turning into a judgemental, self-righteous person and it has been on my mind a lot lately. i try really hard to catch myself thinking those thoughts before i express them verbally. in the past couple of weeks i have a had some really good talks about this with people i really look up to. i've come to a realization that i hope i can keep with me for the rest of my life. i have realized that no matter how rude, or strange someone is we are all trying the best we can. i know i am trying the best i can to do what is right. and what is right for me may not be right for other people. i think we are all trying to figure this out and each has a different way of approaching it. it is easy to look at other people's mistakes and judge them harshly when in reality i should be more focused on my own mistakes and faults. it is stupid of me to think i am any better when i know i have just as many faults.
i was talking to gale reed (the guy that baptized me) the other day on the phone and he taught me a very important lesson about unconditional love for everyone. he is my hero and i strive to more like him. just being able to look at everyone and see that they are all trying the best that they can do and loving them for that seems like a wonderful thing to me.
i work with so many great people. the long hours we have working on trails allows us all to get to know one another better than most people get to know them. it's funny to look back on our first impressions of each other and laugh about how wrong most of us were. we are all going to have first impressions of people but i think it is important to not let them stop us from getting to know the person.
that's all really. i just have realized that loving everyone can be such a great thing.