are you coming are you going are you leaving are you staying

my future often feels uncertain, i can't really plan ahead too far in advance because with me things seem to change so quickly. last year at this time it was environmental policy, but now i am unsure and leaning towards wildlife sciences. who knows what will happen.

running often seems uncertain. i know what i would like to happen with it, but injuries and setbacks keep preventing me from getting to that place. sometimes it seems like it would be much easier to give it all up. but then i remember that i am not and will never be a quitter.

uncertainty:
enough money for a car
will friendships survive another year
the weather
is the next president going to completely destroy america
africa next summer
keep or change my major
will my legs ever heal


uncertainty eats away at me all the time, it brings about self consciousness, loneliness and so many other scary feelings i don't like to think about.

but then there are the moments of certainty that get me through the bad times.
a soft kiss on the forehead to wake me up in the morning lets me know that i am loved. reassurance in the voice of a friend on the other end of a phone call lets me know she'll always be there.
parents that want me home at 11 pm, though yes it is often rather annoying, i like the security that i always get from them. their crazy rules let me know they care about me.
spending the weekend with his wonderful family lets me know that he is going to be a part of my life for a good while.

the feeling of certainty gives me the sense of control. even there are so many unexpected things that happen in this world, there are a few things i can rely on to be a constant in my life.