things really aren't okay.

i just want to know what more there is to take?
you have my heart in your hands
but now it is only held together by tiny threads.
i'm sick of justifying your actions (or inactions) to others and myself
your holding on to the thought of her still
and you've built this wall between us.
i wish you would try harder to hang onto me
but i know you won't
i keep lying to myself
the same way you do to me
i feel pathetic and i know everyone around me thinks it
wondering why i am putting myself through this
i still hang onto that little bit of hope
that maybe you still care
i tell myself that you're just
busy/stressed/tired/working hard/any other reason that satisfies my mind
it never fully does
i know you won't read this, because i know you don't care
i know it, i've gotten used to it.
this is probably all my fault
i think i gave you too much of myself
i let you in too far
made myself too vulnerable
i feel like i put so many things aside in my life for you
you know what hurts the most?
every. single. day. i look forward to hearing your voice
or the next time i will see your face
i get so excited to talk to you
you still give me butterflies!
but i can hear it in your voice
and see it in your actions
that you really don't care anymore.
but you know what?
i most likely will not do anything about it
cause i'm insecure like that.
just keep telling me it's okay
and i'll keep pretending that i believe you.