whilst sitting in biology today i had an overwhelming feeling that made me feel smart and greatly depressed me.
my existence doesn't matter at all really.
ahem
life began 3.8 billion years ago. life went on for 2.4 billion years before the first multi cellular organism appeared. organisms then remained simple until about 660 million years ago when complex life forms occurred.
it threw me off to be speaking in billions of years. but then i realized how greatly insignificant my 100 or less years on this earth really are compared to billions of years.
then we talked about hominins and how they are the group that includes humans and all related species that arose after the last common ancestor of chimps and humans. we are the only ones that are still in existence. and compared to all the other hominins our existence is like a flash in time.
it's just mind boggling to me. where we have come from and it makes me wonder where we are going. it's kind of like the feeling i get when i look up at the stars and try to comprehend how far away they really are and how much of the universe we can't see. it makes me feel small. incredibly small.
when moments like this happen it makes me just want to stop doing what everyone else thinks i need to be doing and do what really and truly will make me happy. life seems so short to me. and my life isn't going to matter to anyone in 100 years from now. but i think i need to find a way to make my life matter to me. and that is by making myself happy. doing things not because i think that is what will make others around me happy, but because it makes me happy and content with my life.
i also realized that i wish i had something to believe in. like a religion that would maybe prove to me that there is a reason that i am here. in a way i am so jealous of my friends that they can believe that there some importance to this life. i wish i could make myself believe, but i have given up trying to force it upon myself. instead i will search for a way to make my life my own heaven on this earth, i suppose i will just have to make the best of all this.
it is amazing to me to think of where we have come from and all that has happened since the existence on this planet so that i could be sitting comfortably on my bed, typing this on my laptop. it makes things seem extremely trivial.
The Party Crasher
21 hours ago
2 comments:
I had this kind of moment when we were reading The Chosen. That part where Reuven's dad tells him, "The blink of an eye, that is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something." It's like..my life is short and insignificant but what it do with it is what matters. Yeah...just one of those moments. Anyways...yeah.
it is freaky. i don't have anything to say, because i know the feeling and i don't know what to do either. i just don't know.
Post a Comment