Sunday, February 24, 2008

this isn't a kinkos

"at least YOU know who you are, kim"

these words hit me hard. i pretend to know who i am, cause i really don't know. but it makes me wonder, does anyone really know? isn't that what life is all about? figuring ourselves out so that we know how to make ourselves happy?
it makes me wonder if these skinny jeans, bangs, makeup, brazilian bracelet, etc...... if these things are really who i am, or am i just pretending to be someone i am not.
i see that girl with dredlocks at the gym, working out on the eliptical. is that who she really is?

now you would say, 'of course not, outside appearances aren't a reflection of the person inside.'
but why isn't it. i think it should be. it makes more sense for us to be who we really are inside and out.

when i look around at the things in my room that are *me* i only see a few things:
mr. tickles
buttercup
running shoes
watch
dark chocolate
'the last unicorn'

sometimes i get so sick of the feeling of being copied. so sick of feeling unoriginal and like someone else will get the credit for my ideas about what makes me, *me*. sometimes it is so overwhelming, i don't feel like i am my own person, i feel like there is just another extension of me walking around out there. pretending to be me. what they don't know, is i actually don't have any idea who i am myself.
i always wonder why they can't come up with ideas of their own, why they pretend they are someone they are not. but i guess it is just because they don't know who they are at all and they need something to grasp onto, to put out the image that they know exactly who they are. well, i can see right through you.
i hate it when you pretend to be me, and i hate it when you pretend to be her. i wish that you could just be your own person.

1 comment:

Elysie said...

kim, i really liked this.

please don't feel unoriginal, because that is definitely not the case, you are very unique. your handwriting, the way you hold your eating utensils, when you get excited about the most random things, how you shuffle when you run with a backpack on. these are all trivial examples, but in the whole scheme of things, you are very unique.

to a certain extent does an outward appearance reflect "who you are". i i think that your actions, emotions, predispositions, and the way that you treat others (friends or strangers), is what defines who you are. and kim, you are an amazing friend, student, athlete, and person.