elyse

so i have this friend, elyse. she is probably the greates person in the entire world. if i wasn't in love with my boyfriend, i would want to be with her. she is just so smart and beautiful.

elyse= perfection

Darkness

I found you darkness

Once again

Welcome back

My dear old friend

It's been so long

Since we last met

All your secrets

I have kept

How was your journey

Where did you go

Without you here

I did not woe

Now you're back

You bring me tears

Painful memories and painful fears

I think I am

In love with you

Your endless shadows and endless gloom

You found me darkness stuck in light

I'm much safer wrapped in your night

oh the joy of politics

okay. i need to vent for a while. so bare with me.

i don't care if your opinion is different from mine. in fact i love to listen to people talk about their opinions and their reasoning's behind them. i love political and religious discussions..... but if you are going to talk about politics or religion with me please don't be condescending and treat me like a child. i try my hardest to be open to your ideas and beliefs, why can't you just do the same for me. don't be a bitch, cut me off, yell at me and treat me like your high school debate opponent.

also, if you say you have an opinion about something, you should get something to back it up. something stronger than "well, that's what my parents and my friends believe." i don't really have respect for people who form their opinions and cast their votes based on what other people believe. but when you actually know why you believe what you do it makes you look so much smarter.

things really aren't okay.

i just want to know what more there is to take?
you have my heart in your hands
but now it is only held together by tiny threads.
i'm sick of justifying your actions (or inactions) to others and myself
your holding on to the thought of her still
and you've built this wall between us.
i wish you would try harder to hang onto me
but i know you won't
i keep lying to myself
the same way you do to me
i feel pathetic and i know everyone around me thinks it
wondering why i am putting myself through this
i still hang onto that little bit of hope
that maybe you still care
i tell myself that you're just
busy/stressed/tired/working hard/any other reason that satisfies my mind
it never fully does
i know you won't read this, because i know you don't care
i know it, i've gotten used to it.
this is probably all my fault
i think i gave you too much of myself
i let you in too far
made myself too vulnerable
i feel like i put so many things aside in my life for you
you know what hurts the most?
every. single. day. i look forward to hearing your voice
or the next time i will see your face
i get so excited to talk to you
you still give me butterflies!
but i can hear it in your voice
and see it in your actions
that you really don't care anymore.
but you know what?
i most likely will not do anything about it
cause i'm insecure like that.
just keep telling me it's okay
and i'll keep pretending that i believe you.

life is a dream

When I wake up I still feel like I'm dreaming

I'm tired of people and what they believe in

So I'm going to change and pretend it's not real

Everything I see,taste,hear and feel

Now I'm not afraid of the voice in my head

Who speaks to me when I lie in bed

I'm going to live each day to the fullest

And not give a damn about who's "the coolest"

This time I will stand up for me

No one can tell me who I should be

And no one can tell me what I should do

I'll figure it out if I want to

It doesn't matter if I'm dead tomorrow

Please don't grieve and live in sorrow

Life is a dream

And our dreams are our lives

So I'll live my life without a troubled mind

i shot a man in reno, just to watch him die

i just got back from a cross country meet in bozeman, montana. It was such a blast. i had a really good feeling all weekend that it was going to be a great race, and it was. not anything like i had expected but it all turned out great.
we got to drive through yellowstone national park and see all the beautiful sights, wildlife, and geysers! it was awesome. i just ate it all up. i was caught off guard when i was waiting for beehive geyser to go off and i heard someone say "this is just so amazing, how can anyone look at this and not know that it was created by god?" i wanted to start explaining to them exactly how it was created without a god. but i didn't think my teammates would appreciate that very much. nor my coach who is a bishop.

it was absolutely wonderful. the course was on a golf course (which was scary because they were still letting people play golf!) and had a hilly first mile then miles 2 and 3 were relatively flat with rolling hills the last 200 meters to the finish. so my race plan that i had discussed with my coach was to go out medium/hard on the first mile, not killing myself on the hills, then pass five girls each mile after that. soooooo we started the race and my teammate kicked the back of my shoe!!! and i was wearing it like a slipper trying to keep it on up and down the hills. i was kind of freaking out because i didn't know if i would get disqualified without a shoe. so after about a mile of this i kicked off my shoe and ran the rest of the race with one shoe! it was intense and it hurt when i had to run down a gravel road. but my race ended up being the best race of the season so far. i came in 4th on my team which is the highest up i have ever finished on the team. our team got second out of 15 teams, weber state beat us by just a little (grrrr.) even though our top five girls were in before their top five, they still won.
it was such a fun race.

lame.

i miss my kyle scott trammell so much.
this really sucks.

sorry i promise my posts will get more meaningful. but really, missing kyle is all that is on my mind right now.