put me under the microscope doctor, i wanna see my brain

i worry far too much about the future but right now all i can see is the potential of everything coming crashing down around me and i dont know what to do but write blogs at 2 in the am and spend inordinate amounts of time cleaning the kitchen and preparing food for tomorrow and doing other people's dishes which is something that i would not normally do however in this state of anxiety and frustration i have to find things to occupy my mind and it might as well be something that helps others too i haven't felt this way in such a long time and i keep telling myself that it is because i havent ran since saturday or because i stayed up until 3 last night talking with elyse (lack of sleep and lack of running tends to be horrible on my mood)
it scares me that the past has a way of creeping its way back into your life when you least expect it and when it is most inconvenient
it drives me crazy to know that something i want very badly is just out of reach for now because i cant seem to let myself open up
i seem to have lost that piece of me and i really am in a rush to find it
how would it be to feel like i could be completely honest and open with anyone at anytime? i want that again especially with the people that i really care about that i want to get to know the real kimberly
so i will stay up tonight doing random things to pass the time away so that hopefully i will get tired enough that i won't be able to deny myself from sleeping