things are getting better. i have finally realized the only way i can get out of this funk is to force myself to be happy. instead of crying when things are rough i put a smile on. my friend said that emotions follow facial expressions, so i figure if i put a smile on i will be cheerful a few minutes later. sometimes it's really awkward, especially when i am driving alone and i have a big cheesy grin on my face.

tonight i went to my first rodeo with megan, lacey, and lauren. it was awesome. i had no idea what i had been missing out on. i think i am going to see how many rodeos i can fit into my summer. first i need to purchase cowboy boots, a hat, and a big belt buckle! i'm excited :). it was really nice to just hang with the girls and be crazy. i feel like i haven't done that in forever.

another awesome thing that happened today was i got officially chainsaw certified!!! i cut down two dead trees, and limbed and bucked a couple of HUGE trees. i was extremely nervous cause i'm scared of cutting off my legs, but finally i feel more comfortable with the saw. nothing beats inhaling sawdust, sweat dripping down your face, bugs biting every exposed part of skin, and carrying a heavy chainsaw. i love my job so much. i really surprised myself, i didn't think i would be strong enough to use the chainsaw, but i built up the muscle and i can saw down any tree!!!

i'm being way more dedicated with my running now, and it is making me so happy. i don't know if it is the endorphins or just the feeling of accomplishment, but it is making me feel so much better about things.

i just need to make sure that i don't slip back into the funk. i hate it and it was no good for me at all. things are definitely all where i want them to be at the moment, but i am just trying to work at the things i can control, so that hopefully the things i can't control will go in my favor.