i have been floating through life the past couple of weeks. i'm trying not to do anything sudden and rash, trying to think things out. but then i get sick of thinking. so i try to laugh it off. laughter makes everything seem less serious and important. it is good at hiding the truth.

i am grateful for friends who distract me. who eat cafe rio on the floor with me. sit and listen to my stupid stories. friends who buy me food just because. friends that tell me about their crazy lives so i can feel like mine is normal and not confusing at all! friends that i can make crazy plans with that will never actually end up happening, but its okay cause i like pretending to have something big to look forward to. friends that will risk getting in trouble with the law just so i can be distracted for a moment.

i try to just forget. but i can't. i still know what i want, it hasn't changed.