learn from your mother, or else spend your days biting your own neck

i actually sat in the same place for more than an hour tonight and did homework. this is quite an accomplishment for me.

now i need to learn that it is okay to be in my apartment more than one hour a night (other than sleeping). i always feel bad for the people i live with cause i'm never home and we rarely associate (this may be seen as a good thing to them?).

today i:

offended an 18-year-old girl that just got engaged

gave thumbs up to a couple that just got married while waiting at a red light (cause i knew what they were going to do next)

resisted the urge to eat at cafe rio

started learning how to play a stupid cheesy love song that i can't get out of my head on my mandolin

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1koDmMSfi0M
anyone that knows me, knows why i love this video so much.

our shadow by day and our pilar by night

just a warning, i am going to get churchy in this post.

i am just amazed as a result of this past weekend. i know my heavenly father knows me and loves me, but it just surprised me so much how much he really does know me. i don't know how i would have survived this weekend without the many church events that went on saturday and sunday: saturday evening stake conference, sunday morning stake conference and a ces fireside. in each of these meetings every speaker touched on something that i really needed to hear at this time. all the testimonies that were shared really touched me and gave me a much needed extra strength. i was asked on the spot to (once again) share my testimony at stake conference. i'm pretty sure people are sick of hearing from me by now, but it still felt great. i have a really hard time verbalizing my feelings, sometimes i feel like it is just a series of grunts and random noises that come out of my mouth. as i listen to the testimonies of others i sometimes can't help but feel a little inadequate, that they are so much more eloquent than i am. but i figure maybe my testimony can speak to those out there that are less eloquent and can see that someone as shy and awkward as me can get up there and feel so passionately about this church. that is my hope.

i dig.

http://www.myspace.com/chinesematteomusic
not just because i am asian. but because they are great.

this past weekend was probably the best weekend in a really, really long time. The work i have been putting into my running the last two and a half years of college has finally paid off and i am completely and utterly happy. :) i know it might be hard for people to understand why this makes me so happy. i guess i just look back on all the illnesses and injuries i have had to go through, early practices, getting out of bed early on a saturday morning to go run in a snow storm...... all that great stuff, and i just realize.... this is why i did it. for this feeling i have right now, for the smile that i can't wipe off of my face. :)

i am so very proud of my team. we finished 2nd in the conference which has never been done since we joined the WAC. they all worked so hard and it was amazing to come together at this meet and put everything we had into it.

i love running with a passion. it is something in my life that i feel like i have control over. whatever i accomplish in it.... no one can take that away from me, because it was my decisions and my hard work that got me there. it has blessed my life in so many ways, the friends i have, the places i get to go, the education i am receiving. my life would be a completely different story without it. i am so grateful for the people in my life that are always so supportive of me (especially the ones that come to practice at 7:15am, and push me through workouts where i am on the verge of tears because i didn't get any sleep the night before and can't hit the paces!).

i am grateful to the amazing artist that sent these to me when they knew i was stressing out about my races.

notice how i am doing the asian peace sign. the explanation behind the girl trying to pick up the quarter is that one of my new favorite pastimes is super gluing quarters to the ground and watching people try to pick them up. :)

i have been floating through life the past couple of weeks. i'm trying not to do anything sudden and rash, trying to think things out. but then i get sick of thinking. so i try to laugh it off. laughter makes everything seem less serious and important. it is good at hiding the truth.

i am grateful for friends who distract me. who eat cafe rio on the floor with me. sit and listen to my stupid stories. friends who buy me food just because. friends that tell me about their crazy lives so i can feel like mine is normal and not confusing at all! friends that i can make crazy plans with that will never actually end up happening, but its okay cause i like pretending to have something big to look forward to. friends that will risk getting in trouble with the law just so i can be distracted for a moment.

i try to just forget. but i can't. i still know what i want, it hasn't changed.

i'd go as far as tokyo just so i could understand, i'm meant for bigger things than holding your hand

i hate doing the right thing. hate, hate, double hate... hate!

wild dogs cry out in the night

jessie has been passed out on the bed for the last half hour and i have been stuck in this hotel room for the last 6 hours. i guess i might as well blog or do something semi-productive.

i worry far too much. i know this and people tell me everyday. then i just start to to worry about how much i worry which doesn't help the situation at all. i just hate feeling like i don't have control over my life, my future, my emotions. i don't know what is stopping me from just going along with how things are and having fun. i guess i am just a stubborn person and want my life to be how i picture it in my head. but maybe i just need to realize that is not reality.

this whole exercising faith thing is very new to me. the last 8 months i have tried to put it into practice and have been astounded at how things just work out. even when it doesn't seem like they will at the time.... somehow they always do. the last two weeks i have been so blessed and learned so much. i guess going back to the worrying thing... i know my life will be great however it turns out.

"people will give you all kinds of advice, don't listen to any of it, they don't know what they are talking about, follow your heart and do what you know is right.... because you WILL make the right decisions for yourself."



i want to:
know more
eat chocolate covered cinnamon bears the rest of my life
not get fat from cinnamon bears
make my own granola
finish knitting my scarf
be at the drew danburry show tonight
grow longer hair
have my computer fixed
get my personal progress thing finished
go to haiti
talk like i am from jersey shore
have a plan
know what people are thinking
get a slurpee

i am:
okay with wearing sweats for four days straight
excited for the future
grateful for where i am at
not going to take any crap
happy for parents that taught me to be independent