http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1bSlS6OWTs
i am obsessed.
Hardy Heads
2 days ago
Monday, September 21, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
i don't want to be the pearl
don't get me wrong. i am in a happy place.
i know the decision was right.
just sometimes i sit and wonder
what it is i ever meant to you
i have been left to conclusions,
i never meant anything at all.
i was just a hand to hold?
someone who cared?
i laughed at your jokes?
was this all just a game?
i just can't comprehend
how you can stop.
stop caring after everything?
i don't need you to love me
i don't need you to be mine.
i would just like the knowledge
that it wasn't all fake,
that maybe you still care how i am doing,
that you are still my friend.
i know the decision was right.
just sometimes i sit and wonder
what it is i ever meant to you
i have been left to conclusions,
i never meant anything at all.
i was just a hand to hold?
someone who cared?
i laughed at your jokes?
was this all just a game?
i just can't comprehend
how you can stop.
stop caring after everything?
i don't need you to love me
i don't need you to be mine.
i would just like the knowledge
that it wasn't all fake,
that maybe you still care how i am doing,
that you are still my friend.
Monday, August 31, 2009
tell it to the valcano, from what i know you're going down the hole
realizations:
you cannot make someone be there for you. i know that you're probably like "duh, kim" i have said that to myself too. but that still never stopped me from trying.
i am not myself. i am trying to figure it out. i think it may be just the change of coming back to school and everything, but something just feels so off. i can't quite figure it out. i'm not my happy, cheerful self. it bugs me.
the boys i want to like me don't. the boys that i don't want to like me do. i give up.
when a boy calls you "bud" i am pretty sure that is his way of making it completely obvious that he is not remotely interested.
i think it is sometimes necessary to go through a "friend detox." there have been some people in my life lately that seem to think a friend's sole responsibility is to take on their problems, feel sorry for them, and whine with them. it sure as heck isn't. and i'm sick of feeling pulled down by all of it. i want to say that i am through with all of it! but in reality i'm a sucker and just feel bad for people when they complain to me. i need to grow a spine.
i love being around people that make me laugh. so so much. i need more laughter in my life.
riding bikes everywhere is cool now. i am glad it wasn't as cool the last 6 years when i had to ride my bike EVERYWHERE. but now that i finally have a car and can actually drive places.... all of my friends think it's cool to ride bikes. good thing i don't care about being cool. ;)
i miss provo. i never thought in a million years i would ever say that. but i do. i miss longboarding down the provo river trail. i miss floating on the LPC (lazy provo current). i miss eating pizza in the hot tub at the raintrizzle. i miss going water ballooning. i miss shows at velour. i miss motorcycle rides and ice cream. mostly i miss my friends. much love.
you cannot make someone be there for you. i know that you're probably like "duh, kim" i have said that to myself too. but that still never stopped me from trying.
i am not myself. i am trying to figure it out. i think it may be just the change of coming back to school and everything, but something just feels so off. i can't quite figure it out. i'm not my happy, cheerful self. it bugs me.
the boys i want to like me don't. the boys that i don't want to like me do. i give up.
when a boy calls you "bud" i am pretty sure that is his way of making it completely obvious that he is not remotely interested.
i think it is sometimes necessary to go through a "friend detox." there have been some people in my life lately that seem to think a friend's sole responsibility is to take on their problems, feel sorry for them, and whine with them. it sure as heck isn't. and i'm sick of feeling pulled down by all of it. i want to say that i am through with all of it! but in reality i'm a sucker and just feel bad for people when they complain to me. i need to grow a spine.
i love being around people that make me laugh. so so much. i need more laughter in my life.
riding bikes everywhere is cool now. i am glad it wasn't as cool the last 6 years when i had to ride my bike EVERYWHERE. but now that i finally have a car and can actually drive places.... all of my friends think it's cool to ride bikes. good thing i don't care about being cool. ;)
i miss provo. i never thought in a million years i would ever say that. but i do. i miss longboarding down the provo river trail. i miss floating on the LPC (lazy provo current). i miss eating pizza in the hot tub at the raintrizzle. i miss going water ballooning. i miss shows at velour. i miss motorcycle rides and ice cream. mostly i miss my friends. much love.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
a million day funeral
right now i am going through ups and downs like a rollercoaster that has lost its brakes. one minute i am completely fine and emotionless, the next minute i can't stop the flood.
probably the best advice i have ever gotten was to "fake it till you make it." and i think over the years i have mastered this. and it works wonders.
it's nice to know that in the end everything in my life will work out. it will all be okay. relying on that thought is what keeps me smiling when i feel unsure.
or as steve's mom said, i'm like the weiner dog that had a body so long that it takes a while for its emotions to get from his head to his tail. so even if it has a sad face on, its tail is still wagging for something happy that happend in the past.
sorry. i think i slaughtered that. it was more effective when she told it. it had a good point though.
sorry this is short. and pointless.
sorry i apologize for things too much.
probably the best advice i have ever gotten was to "fake it till you make it." and i think over the years i have mastered this. and it works wonders.
it's nice to know that in the end everything in my life will work out. it will all be okay. relying on that thought is what keeps me smiling when i feel unsure.
or as steve's mom said, i'm like the weiner dog that had a body so long that it takes a while for its emotions to get from his head to his tail. so even if it has a sad face on, its tail is still wagging for something happy that happend in the past.
sorry. i think i slaughtered that. it was more effective when she told it. it had a good point though.
sorry this is short. and pointless.
sorry i apologize for things too much.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
memories fade, like looking through a fogged mirror
remember the night we drove with all the windows down, barefoot, radio blasting, singing at the top of our lungs. we had no destination in mind. to us we were already there. we all knew it but tried to not think about how we would never be that way again. you were always my best guyfriends but when you return it won't be the same.
like the time we didn't listen to the severe thunderstorm warning on every television and radio stations. we drove to the lake anyways, passing blown down trees the entire way. that didn't stop us. we ran around the lake screaming at the top of our lungs, the wind blowing the crashing waves up against our feet and our hair in our eyes. we collapsed in a fit of laughter on the dock for reasons i don't think we will ever really know.
it was a little like our last kiss. tears streaming down my face i knew that was it. i don't know if you did. i never thought my lips could find a place more comfortable. looking back now, i don't know how i ever felt like that is where they belonged.
a bit like the times we would skip school to go to the park by your house and fly your kite for hours. or take naps in your basement during 8th period so that we were assured the 9 hours of sleep necessary for growing teenagers.
kind of like the feeling of walking into a crowded place. searching for a familiar smiling face. i don't see them as often anymore.
sometimes i try to think of when it all happened, when did we all grow up and grow apart? we tried to fight it for as long as we could, some lasted longer than others, but in the end i guess the time will come when our priorities become far more important than holding onto the relationships that shaped us into the people we have grown into today.
like the time we didn't listen to the severe thunderstorm warning on every television and radio stations. we drove to the lake anyways, passing blown down trees the entire way. that didn't stop us. we ran around the lake screaming at the top of our lungs, the wind blowing the crashing waves up against our feet and our hair in our eyes. we collapsed in a fit of laughter on the dock for reasons i don't think we will ever really know.
it was a little like our last kiss. tears streaming down my face i knew that was it. i don't know if you did. i never thought my lips could find a place more comfortable. looking back now, i don't know how i ever felt like that is where they belonged.
a bit like the times we would skip school to go to the park by your house and fly your kite for hours. or take naps in your basement during 8th period so that we were assured the 9 hours of sleep necessary for growing teenagers.
kind of like the feeling of walking into a crowded place. searching for a familiar smiling face. i don't see them as often anymore.
sometimes i try to think of when it all happened, when did we all grow up and grow apart? we tried to fight it for as long as we could, some lasted longer than others, but in the end i guess the time will come when our priorities become far more important than holding onto the relationships that shaped us into the people we have grown into today.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
happy daddy's day!
since today is fathers day i feel it is only appropriate to do a post about my amazing father.
my dad is such an amazing guy. he is truly one of my best friends. our relationship cannot be explained so that another person might be able to understand it. we don't even understand it. he is the person that i am at conflict with the most and also the person that i love the most. see it doesn't really make sense does it? though sometimes i swear he just tries to make my life harder, he knows me better than i even know myself. he was the mother figure in my life growing up and taught me the basics of how to read, how to tie my shoes and how to ride a bike. the most important thing i think he ever taught me was to not give up on anything that i do and that to be the best at something means working harder than everyone else. those principles have changed my life and have shaped me into the girl i am today. he would never really help me out all that much growing up and as strange as it sounds, i am so thankful for that. i remember we would go dirt biking and would get to a really big, scary hill and i would just sit at the bottom on my motorcycle and bawl my eyes out cause i was so scared to go up it, i just wanted him to do it for me. but he never would. he would just sit there at the top of the hill encouraging me as i got up the courage to try it. and if i crashed he would help me bring the bike to the bottom of the hill again so i could try to make it to the top yet again. even now.... this is just a small example but i was changing the oil the other day in my car and i couldn't get the nut loosened to get the oil out. i was having such a hard time and was so frustrated cause i felt like i wasn't strong enough to get it loosened myself, i kept telling him i couldn't do it and i needed him to do it, but he kept insisting that i keep trying. well, it took me longer than it should have, but finally i got it off.
i wish i had spent less time worrying about my dad embarrassing me and more time goofing off with my dad. he has taught me so much about love and relationships. he taught me that it is okay to cry when you are sad and express your emotions when you have them. not many people know this, but i am so horrible at matching clothes so i take my dad shopping with me and he helps me pick out my clothes!
my dad really is my best friend and i wish i could say we got a long 100% of the time, but we don't. that doesn't mean i love him any less and i know he would say the same about me. he has always been there for me when i needed him, even when we haven't been on the best terms, i know i can count on him if i really need him.
i love my daddy.
my dad is such an amazing guy. he is truly one of my best friends. our relationship cannot be explained so that another person might be able to understand it. we don't even understand it. he is the person that i am at conflict with the most and also the person that i love the most. see it doesn't really make sense does it? though sometimes i swear he just tries to make my life harder, he knows me better than i even know myself. he was the mother figure in my life growing up and taught me the basics of how to read, how to tie my shoes and how to ride a bike. the most important thing i think he ever taught me was to not give up on anything that i do and that to be the best at something means working harder than everyone else. those principles have changed my life and have shaped me into the girl i am today. he would never really help me out all that much growing up and as strange as it sounds, i am so thankful for that. i remember we would go dirt biking and would get to a really big, scary hill and i would just sit at the bottom on my motorcycle and bawl my eyes out cause i was so scared to go up it, i just wanted him to do it for me. but he never would. he would just sit there at the top of the hill encouraging me as i got up the courage to try it. and if i crashed he would help me bring the bike to the bottom of the hill again so i could try to make it to the top yet again. even now.... this is just a small example but i was changing the oil the other day in my car and i couldn't get the nut loosened to get the oil out. i was having such a hard time and was so frustrated cause i felt like i wasn't strong enough to get it loosened myself, i kept telling him i couldn't do it and i needed him to do it, but he kept insisting that i keep trying. well, it took me longer than it should have, but finally i got it off.
i wish i had spent less time worrying about my dad embarrassing me and more time goofing off with my dad. he has taught me so much about love and relationships. he taught me that it is okay to cry when you are sad and express your emotions when you have them. not many people know this, but i am so horrible at matching clothes so i take my dad shopping with me and he helps me pick out my clothes!
my dad really is my best friend and i wish i could say we got a long 100% of the time, but we don't. that doesn't mean i love him any less and i know he would say the same about me. he has always been there for me when i needed him, even when we haven't been on the best terms, i know i can count on him if i really need him.
i love my daddy.
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