once i wanted to be the greatest, no wind nor waterfall could stall me, and then came the rush of the flood, the stars at night turned deep to dust.

one of my biggest fears is turning into a judgemental, self-righteous person and it has been on my mind a lot lately. i try really hard to catch myself thinking those thoughts before i express them verbally. in the past couple of weeks i have a had some really good talks about this with people i really look up to. i've come to a realization that i hope i can keep with me for the rest of my life. i have realized that no matter how rude, or strange someone is we are all trying the best we can. i know i am trying the best i can to do what is right. and what is right for me may not be right for other people. i think we are all trying to figure this out and each has a different way of approaching it. it is easy to look at other people's mistakes and judge them harshly when in reality i should be more focused on my own mistakes and faults. it is stupid of me to think i am any better when i know i have just as many faults.
i was talking to gale reed (the guy that baptized me) the other day on the phone and he taught me a very important lesson about unconditional love for everyone. he is my hero and i strive to more like him. just being able to look at everyone and see that they are all trying the best that they can do and loving them for that seems like a wonderful thing to me.
i work with so many great people. the long hours we have working on trails allows us all to get to know one another better than most people get to know them. it's funny to look back on our first impressions of each other and laugh about how wrong most of us were. we are all going to have first impressions of people but i think it is important to not let them stop us from getting to know the person.
that's all really. i just have realized that loving everyone can be such a great thing.

put me under the microscope doctor, i wanna see my brain

i worry far too much about the future but right now all i can see is the potential of everything coming crashing down around me and i dont know what to do but write blogs at 2 in the am and spend inordinate amounts of time cleaning the kitchen and preparing food for tomorrow and doing other people's dishes which is something that i would not normally do however in this state of anxiety and frustration i have to find things to occupy my mind and it might as well be something that helps others too i haven't felt this way in such a long time and i keep telling myself that it is because i havent ran since saturday or because i stayed up until 3 last night talking with elyse (lack of sleep and lack of running tends to be horrible on my mood)
it scares me that the past has a way of creeping its way back into your life when you least expect it and when it is most inconvenient
it drives me crazy to know that something i want very badly is just out of reach for now because i cant seem to let myself open up
i seem to have lost that piece of me and i really am in a rush to find it
how would it be to feel like i could be completely honest and open with anyone at anytime? i want that again especially with the people that i really care about that i want to get to know the real kimberly
so i will stay up tonight doing random things to pass the time away so that hopefully i will get tired enough that i won't be able to deny myself from sleeping

i tried to be cool, but your so hot that i melted

i am so content right now. i don't want anything to change. i am so content with not working and spending my time freely. so content with seeing loganboy everyday and not questioning what is going to happen this summer. i have grown content with no-schoolness, not cooking and doing laundry only when i run out of underwear. i am very content right now with going to bed knowing that i can sleep in and not have to wake up to an alarm clock.

i wish i could stay in this idle state for a while. but i know it is all going to change soon. this summer is going to get me out of my comfort zone. i will be living in a new place (alone for the first part), working a rough (but fun) job, running my butt off, and i will be trying to apply new things to my life. i can do this. i know i can. these are the things that make me who i am. it is these times that allow me to prove to myself that i am made of more than some people seem to think i am.

the start of something

things i love. (inspired by people that are more positive than me)

my name is kimberly tu quinn, kimmie, kimmiecat, kimster, kimmie poo, kimmie co., kimalinalin, kimbo.
i am in love with wearing sandals. mostly because then my feet don't stink as much.
i love the trees in the spring/summertime. okay. i love trees all the time.
i love people who appreciate the beauty and majestic-ness of unicorns as much as i do.
i love elyse's kaleidoscope and how i spent an hour looking into it today.
i love that people think it's so funny to tickle me. because i laugh really hard. what they don't know is i love to laugh. therefore getting tickled isn't all that bad.
i love that i will be sleeping on a couch for 3 weeks
i love knowing that i am going in the right direction
i love making summer plans even though i know half of them will fall through
i love friends that make time go by way too fast.
i love being able to call a friend after two years and have it seem like nothing has changed.
i love the thought of not having to grow up for at least 3 more years
i love how it is skirt-otterpop-tree-climbing weather now!
i love being with loganboy and how he makes me smile like no one else can.
i love drew danburry shows/songs and how they make me feel less tense about life.
i love musically talented people, probably because i am musically and artistically challenged and i just greatly appreciate their abilities.
i love the feelings i still get when i look at pictures from mexico. and realizing now, that it was a life changing week.
i love life so much. and i love that i have surrounded myself with people who feel the same way.
i love bonfires and how they make everything you wear smell like campfire.
i love that i am a fan of hand holding, kissing, cuddling, sarcasm, smiling, rain, eating, sleeping, and hugging. but i don't feel a need to prove it by joining a group on facebook.
i love putting raspberry jam on pancakes because i feel like maple syrup can be too overwhelming.
i love making musical mixes and sharing them with people i care about.
i love songs that make me feel nostalgic.
i love hearing jeff play/sing sometime around midnight on his guitar and i love how i now think of him as a great friend of mine.
i love seeing my friends striving to be better. it makes me want to be better too.

blakey poo.

a very close friend of mine passed away last thursday night. i can't even believe this is real. we had planned on having him come up to logan for a visit, but every time he called me to plan a day something came up and i was always too busy. i am kicking myself right now.
i just can't even believe it.
he was such a great guy, i have never in my life heard one bad thing said about him. he always had an infectious smile on his face.
he helped pick up the pieces after the break up 4 months ago. he would sit and listen to me talk about trivial things in my life. but he was just that kind of person. he knew when someone needed a friend and he was there. i am so thankful for that.
the only thing that gives me comfort is knowing that i will see him again. i wonder how i would have felt had this happened two months ago to me. it is still painful, but i know now that i will see him again.

blake, you were such an awesome guy. you always put a smile on my face and you always listened. i am sorry that we never got a chance to paint the town of logan red, and i am sorry i never brought you cookies like i promised. you taught me not to sweat the small stuff and that even when we have trials in our lives you can still go through them with a smile on your face. i miss hearing you whisper funny comments in my ear during boberg's long lectures. i miss having you be the mediator in political science between the debaters and the non-debaters. you were great. there is no doubt about that. i will never forget you and i can't wait to see you again.

decision to decisions are made and not bought

so many exciting things are happening very quickly right now. if it all didn't feel so right i would say it's happening to fast. but it's not. it is amazing what just having an open mind and an open heart can do for you. i have experienced things i never would have thought possible. it's life changing and i'm excited.

she's an angel with a cigarette

i'm feeling a bit off today and i hate it. the last couple of weeks i have been feeling so fantastic about life. today was such a good day, there were so many good things that happened. but for some reason i am feeling really off. i didn't feel like my normal bubbly self. i really think it is because i did not sleep a wink last night. i just need to stop worrying about things and go with the flow. then i can sleep.